Betty and Frank/The Church and Jesus
 

In Ephesians 5, Paul talks about husbands and wives and then switches to Christ and the Church without missing a beat. (Eph. 5:32) At the October Crushed Grapes Day in Vista many shared that they had prayed for our reconciliation for years. A trusted sister said that when she prayed about Betty and me she felt the Lord said our relationship was a picture of God and the Church - that we were like Isaiah or Ezekiel or Hosea. Over these past Christmas holidays, Betty and I both agreed that these were the best days of our fifty years of marriage.

We were married April 18, 1953 in DeWitt Nebraska. I was a student at the University of Nebraska at Lincoln, Betty was in Nurses Training at Lincoln General Hospital, and we eloped. Our plans were to keep it all a secret and have a big wedding later. Guess what happened. Right! Our first born son, Kevin, was conceived that fall and the plans changed from a wedding to a nice reception. Kevin was born in August of 1954. I attended a membership class in the Lutheran Church where Betty and her parents attended in an attempt to keep peace with my in-laws.

During the class I met Jesus and my Father. Not the stern, law-giving, demanding God I had conjured in my mind, but the Father Who loved me so much that He sent His Son Jesus to rescue me. And, this wasn't a dead Jesus from two thousand years before, He rose from the dead and was alive and I met Him. I joined that Lutheran congregation in December 1954, graduated from the University of Nebraska at Omaha in 1955 and then had a radical, life-changing Damascus Road type experience. Betty and Kevin and I went off to the Seminary in August of 1955.

Since I was a new convert, I had to take two years of Pre-seminary, then three years of Seminary, plus a year of Vicarage or internship. Our life and marriage during those years was a blur. We lived in a government housing project near the campus, which was very inexpensive and also provided a mission field among the poor of Springfield. I worked several jobs. Classes were tougher than the University. And we continued having children every two years.
I remember praying regularly at the seminary for God to take care of my family, so I could become a Pastor. Then I prayed often for God to take care of my family, and I would build His Church. It's a wonder He didn't strike me and others dead for such heretical prayers. However, it was prayed sincerely, though in ignorance, and the Lord did answer. I don't recall anyone saying the words exactly, but I came out of the Seminary with the sincere conviction that God would take care of the family if I was faithful to His ministry.

The first twenty years of ministry in the denomination were also a blur for Betty and me and our relationship. I was gone every night at meetings or making house calls. I also became a denominational officer, and a service club president, and a Salvation Army Chairman, and a man of the year in the community, and, and, and, but not a better husband and father. During the last years in the denomination, the Lord began to speak clearly telling me to get my house in order and He would entrust me with a vision.

I came home more and more to five teen-agers, Sarah our beloved survivor and her medical problems, and a frenzied wife whom I had forsaken for the ministry. "How do you do, my name is Frank and I'm the head of this family." We made some strides, but twenty plus year patterns do not change easily or quickly. There was a large empty space between us.

However, the vision came clear and loud. One Church per city as is the biblical pattern; small groups in homes without the huge clergy/laity separation; leadership rising up from within each home church; all delineations of church pointing to the one church of the city. I began writing books, preaching and teaching throughout the body of Christ, doing leadership seminars on war, getting arrested for abortion protesting, starting house churches, and ignoring the painful tension with my wife.

I remember the awful pain when Betty called my friends Jim and Carl to tell me to come pack my things and move out of the apartment while Betty and Sarah were away on a trip. Our separation continued to deteriorate in spite of counseling and continued financial support. I was shocked when I was served a summons to appear for a legal separation.

For more than two years the legal process muddled along. The preliminary hearing was held on Valentine's Day. The judge asked if I would continue the support until a trial was held. My position was that if the state had to settle this, I would give only what the guidelines called for, but if this legal process were stopped or we could talk and be reconciled I would continue to support her. I agreed to temporarily continue the support The terrible process dragged on and on without ever having a trial. We were scheduled for trial several times and showed up at court only to be dropped, or put aside for some emergency case, or whatever else God concocted to keep the legal separation from happening.

I remember well crying out to God about the bitterness and hatred I felt coming at me. "Who else gets treated like this and goes on with it?" I heard very clearly, "That's the way my bride treats me."

My struggles continued. How do I continue on in a God-like way? How do I agape love without the wonderful gushy feelings? How do I maintain as best I can the shaky relationship with all the children and grandchildren and keep as much unity as possible? And then the Lord began to tell me to move to Omaha. Betty finally dropped the lawsuit. I moved, and our relationship grew better and better. In fact, it's the best it's ever been.

Betty said that she saw me being set free from anger and bitterness during that time. When I asked her what happened to all her negative feelings, she said simply, "God changed my heart." Thank God for the song/prayer that Eddie Espinosa blessed the body of Christ with through, "Change my heart O God...may I be like you." We have all been singing that for years and were perhaps unaware that God was answering the prayer even when we thought we were just singing. (I think He did the same thing years ago when we sang/prayed, "and we pray that all unity may one day be restored." If we'd known what all was involved in this unity business, we might not have sang it as much.)

Betty and I speak daily, and as God has provided, I've gone back to California for two weeks in November, and again at Christmas and am here with her now for her birthday and to see "The Passion of the Christ" together.

I want very much to move back here full time and travel from California rather than from Omaha. However, I want even more to do the will of God and respond as His servant. As yet He has only re-confirmed the present assignment to the frozen third-world setting where I live with three men who also want to serve Jesus. He seems very pleased for me to go back and forth to California, and sends me on a few other trips, but there is a powerful sensing and hearing that I have a job to complete in Omaha or at least bring closer to fruition before the changing of my primary residence.
 

Now, what are the lessons from all of this?